9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
