You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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