he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
