what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
