Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
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she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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