His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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