sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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