I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
