The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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