Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
