Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
