Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
