Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
