So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
