we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
