Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
