Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
