I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
