I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
