Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
