Where is the hickey?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
