I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
