the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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