the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
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You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
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A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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