When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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