shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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