I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
