my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
