I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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