420 ftw
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
