She just used a chaser for red wine.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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