It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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