i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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