Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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