He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
