i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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