I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize