So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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