i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
