Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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