careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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