My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
