girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
