I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
