why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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