So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Buhtt sex?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
