The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
