Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize