I'm gonna have a badass scar
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
