it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
