my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize