I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
