He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
