it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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