I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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