Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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