nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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