I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
