Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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