We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
