I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
