A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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