If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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