You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
