Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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