I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
