Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
my liver is dry heaving
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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