I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I could make wine with my vomit
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Your penis caused this!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
