sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
