Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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