I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Randomize
