in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
