You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
