guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
