Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
